I could sense something was off but couldn’t quite put words to it yet. Day after day, positive reports about her school day, yet something was simmering. When it would erupt, it predictably was directed toward me or her sibling. A week later, the pot was boiling over – full tilt emotional jags lasting an hour or more.
I hadn’t read Kim John Payne’s Simplicity Parenting since she was a...
My tone wasn't mean. It was fairly matter of fact.
Maybe it seemed like no big deal at the time or no big deal reading this now.
Except for two things:
I know my daughter.
And I knew in that moment just as I know right now that my intention, seeping through the subtle edges my tone, was to shame her. To make her feel badly for forgetting.
I knew when I said it it was hurtful.
I was scared and excited and nervous and unsure.
But I stepped in anyway.
Nearly 10 years later, the gifts of that training continue to show up in my life. In fact, that decision changed the trajectory of my life. From owning and responding to that desire to learn more, to grow, to discover… (what, I didn't yet know exactly...) stepping in, I felt the power and the magic of following my own...
If you find yourself wondering how to get back home, to the person you used to be – who was fun and excited and engaged…
My best guess is that person has been with you all along – giving you subtle (or not so subtle!) cues. You've simply forgotten how to interpret, or you've overridden, the messages coming from within.
When I was a teenager I was very... well... expressive. I remember hearing in response to my tone "you know it's not what you say, it's how you say it."
Even then, I understood that they weren't necessarily objecting to my position, but that I was not exactly creating an environment ripe for collaboration.
Now that I'm on the other side, there are times with my own...
I admit, I had not been modeling self-love for her in conscious ways.
She wasn't imitating my language.
I had not been including myself on the list of people that I love.
I started to wonder: when she will start abandoning her self?
Buying into the illusion that she isn't enough, or isn't worthy of love from others were herself?
Is this inevitable?
What can I do, think, say or...
With my kids, I began intentionally replacing my knee jerk response "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" with "what were you needing?"
It changed the way the next few minutes unfolded.
And over time it's helped to build long lasting trust in our relationship.
Practicing a gratitude ritual at the end of the day helps rewire the brain to seek evidence all day long to find things to be grateful for.
This put you at a glass half full advantage.
In my experience, over time, seeking out gratitude starts to happen in real time, instead of only at the end of the day.
I started to realize that when I see myself wielding my hammer (I am a fixer, after all) sometimes I push right through the most important moments. In my haste to comfort and alleviate my child's distress, I miss witnessing them, giving them space to feel what they are feeling, allowing their full expression, reflecting back to them so they can feel heard, understood and deeply know that their...
I'm fairly transparent with my family about the fact that I sometimes do things that don't particularly want to do, but I choose to do them because I want to feel and experience the result. I share it because it's true and also because I value modeling choice and being responsible for tending to my own needs.