Our language creates our reality.
When our language is infused with moral judgments (right/wrong, good/bad), shame, blame, guilt, criticism, analysis and judgment, it reflects how we see the world. When we practice translating our thoughts into observations and facts, we strip away life alienating language and create fertile ground for connection, understanding and compassion.
Translating a judgment such as “He is such a clingy child,” into an observation can help reveal his basic human need: “Today he was holding on to my leg and asking to be held while I was preparing dinner. It seems like he is really needing closeness right now.”
When we access non-judgment, we open the doors to seeing the world through another’s perspective. We get curious and wonder what their experience might be like. We relate to their universal human needs which enables us to access generosity and compassion within to meet that child’s needs in a way that still honors our own.
With younger children, sometimes simply stating the need is soothing - meeting their needs for being seen, heard and mattering. “You need comfort right now. I see you holding my leg. You want to be close now.”
Non-judgment can help us to access the place that opens our arms to our child (literally and metaphorically), rather than resisting what we perceive as a demand to be held.
This is not a theoretical practice, but a somatic experience. A shift occurs in the body that can be felt when we truly open to another’s experience. When we shed shame, blame, guilt, interpretations, criticism, we open our heart to what is.
I invite you to notice your judgments this week.
The act of simply noticing creates space between you and your thought. This is the first step in disrupting the cycle of being stuck in the story.
Write it down.
Write for a few minutes if you have time, allowing yourself to spill it all without editing.
Translate into observations.
Can you look through what you’ve written and translate it into simple, indisputable facts? Allow yourself to rest in the facts. Here is what happened, without the story, without my thoughts and feelings… just the facts.
Get curious about the needs driving the behavior.
What might your child (or partner, colleague, teacher, etc) need? Can I remember a time when I had that same need? What it felt like when that need was unmet? What it felt like when that need was met?
Visualize a moment when that need was met for you.
Notice any bodily sensations, tension or relief. Once you experience a shift in your body, you will be free to respond without reactivity as your response will come from a place of compassion, understanding and genuine desire to meet your child where they are.
Looking for guidance when working through recurring judgments? Hop on over to book a free call with me to see how I can help.